Treating Your Ailing Printer
by the Two Joes (Varga and Pia)
Rochester Computer Society
 Can I keep the printer but have to buy new little wheels? The answer is “No.”
You know the story. You load the printer with paper and press “print.” You can hear the wheels spinning. But the paper doesn’t move or maybe it moves a little bit. But you don’t get a printed page.
	What could be wrong? The story is not really quite this simple, but in essence it’s like this: Small soft rubber wheels in the printer pull the paper in and past the print head. Sometimes those wheels get covered with microscopic paper dust. Or other crud gets stuck in the works. So, the wheels don’t grab the paper when they should. Or, the paper gets stuck by something else in the way.
	What to do? Do you have to throw away the printer and get a new one? Can I keep the printer but have to buy new little wheels? The answer is, “No.” But you do have to do some things to bring those wheels back into working order. And in general clean out the works.
Here’s how you go about it.
1.	Before you do anything else, buy a can of compressed air.
	The air will blow all the microscopic dust and debris out of the printer.
	You can find cans of compressed air at computer and office supply stores. The one we used is “The Blaster.” Other brands are available.
	The Blaster’s can calls itself a “pressurized air duster.” The cans come in two sizes. We used PART of the larger size. These cost between $8 and $10. This size can will be suitable for several cleanings.
	Taped to the can’s side is a plastic tube of small diameter and about seven or eight inches in length. You insert the tube into the place in the can from which the air will come when the top is pressed down. Like a WD-40 can.
	The can is full of compressed gas and a liquid. Instructions for using it are on the can.
2. Remove any paper in the tray or the tray altogether.
	The idea is to get anything that can impede progress out of the way.
3. Open the printer so that you can get to the wheels.
Each printer has its own design and way of getting inside. Some printers ask you to take off the ends. Others have little doors that you lift. Read the directions and then do whatever the manufacturer’s instructions ask you to do.
	You may want to remove the print heads, too. Though in general they seem to survive such treatments quite well.
	Everything you should do, can be done by hand or by fingers even. Leave screwdrivers and other instruments of destruction outside the room where you work on your computer. You are not tackling an alien machine that can do you harm. It’s your printer, a device that needs a lot of TLC.
4. With the printer open you should be able to see the wheels that move the paper.
Those wheels are the destinations for the blasts of air from the can.
You will note that the wheels don’t look very dirty at all.
	Because the paper dust is microscopic in size, you won’t be able to see much of it. But you know it’s there because the wheels won’t pull the paper through any more.
5. Point the little tube on the can of air at one of the wheels and give it a shot of air.
If the wheel is wet after you’ve blasted it, you’re holding the can too far sideways. The Can must be in the upright position to release only air.
	You will probably want to turn the wheels with your fingers. As you turn them, a new face will be presented to you. Give it a squirt. Go around each wheel: turn, squirt, turn, squirt, etc. until the entire wheel has received a full shot of air.
	While you’ve got the printer open, you can give the entire insides several blasts. You won’t see much paper dust moving about, but you know it’s there.
	The print heads can be removed and the connections on their carriages can receive a shot of air, too.
6. When you’re finished with the can, set it aside and return all the parts of the printer to their original configuration.
	The Acid Test
Try printing a couple of pieces after the treatment. Sheets of paper should, without trouble, be pulled into the printer.
	This situation should continue for about a year, maybe a little longer. If you start using very dusty (low quality) paper, you will have to perform this kind of clean-out more frequently.
If this treatment doesn’t work, try it again. If after two efforts you still can’t get the paper to go through the printer like it should, you probably should have a professional look over your printer.
If the treatment works, you have become an experienced cleaner outer of your printer. And what could be nicer than knowing that you can fix the @#$&* printer all by yourself. Congratulations. 

Windows Tips & Tricks Summary
by Joe Varga
Rochester Computer Society
T
he most important thing to remember that makes Windows easier to use is the Right Mouse Button. Almost anywhere in Windows, when you click the right mouse button, a menu will pop up. The items on this menu may save you multiple clicks to get to configuration options or other menu items. 
	The Display Properties window allows you to customize many of the things that make up the appearance of Windows. Right Click the desktop and select properties, then you can change resolution, backgrounds, colors, screensavers, and even things like icon size and spacing.
	The Start Menu can be “cleaned up” so that you can more easily access the things you use the most. Right Click on the Start button and select open. Double click the Programs folder. You can now drag and drop icons into other folders, create new folders and delete old folders.
	Stopping FindFast can increase the speed of your computer and stop the a:\ drive from spinning occasionally. Open the Control Panel and double click FindFast, one of the menu options is stop using FindFast. If that does not work for you, it may be in your startup folder. Open the start menu as described in the paragraph above and open the Startup folder. If you see a FindFast icon, delete it.
	SysEdit and MSConfig are two important system functions that may help you diagnose problems with your computer. SysEdit opens all five of the system files in a single window. MSConfig opens a window that will show you what is running in the background on your computer. Both of these can be accessed through the Run command on the Start Menu.
	Icons on the desktop can be arranged ay way you ant them. On some computers, they all stay bunched up in rows on the left. You can turn this off by right clicking on the desktop and selecting Arrange Icons and then uncheck Auto Arrange by clicking on it.
	Shortcut Icons can be deleted if you no longer use them and infrequently use them. Any icon with a little black and white arrow in the corner of it is a shortcut. It is only a pointer to the actual program. Deleting it will have no effect on how you computer works. Just click on it and hit the delete key on your keyboard.
	The Start Bar (gray bar that has the Start Button on it) can be moved to any side (or top)of the screen. Left Click and hold on the bar and move the mouse toward another side of the screen; a light gray outline of the bar will move to that side when you get close. When you let go of the mouse, the bar will move.
	This summary does not include everything that I went over. If you remember something I talked about but not how to do it, or want to know how to do something that I didn’t talk about; send me an e-mail and I will help you out. 	
	Joe excerpted his remarks from the April Program Meeting. He can be reached at <jrvarga@rochester.rr.com>.

Get A Bigger Monitor For Nothing
by John S. Krill
North Orange County Computer Club
Y
ou’ve just bought a new computer, with a 15" monitor, connected it to the Internet, and there seems to be very little space for viewing Web pages. You think you should have purchased a 17" monitor. 
	I’m here to tell you that you can get a whole bunch of added space on that 15" monitor without spending a dime. We will first fix Windows and then make some changes to Internet Explorer. And finally if you have the desire we will look at some advanced methods to get more space on that 15" monitor.
	Fix Windows At the bottom of your monitor screen Microsoft put a thing called the Taskbar. That’s the thing that has the Start button. Currently it is probably always there and always viewable. We are going to make it disappear until you need it. 
	Go to the Start button menu and select Settings. Then select Taskbar and Start Menu. A new pane will appear on the screen titled “Taskbar Properties.” There are four check boxes. The first two: “Always On Top” and “Auto Hide” should be checked. If they are not, then put your mouse pointer in each check box and click your mouse. Now move your mouse pointer to the Apply button and click your mouse button. You should see the Taskbar disappear. Now click the OK button. 
	To get the Taskbar back just move your mouse pointer to the bottom of the screen and the Taskbar will appear. Even if you have Internet Explorer or another application at Full Screen, when you move the mouse pointer to the bottom of the screen you will have the Taskbar appear. Now the Taskbar appears only when you need it.
	You can also get to the Taskbar Properties pane by putting your mouse pointer somewhere on an empty area of the Taskbar. Now press that button on the mouse that you have never used before. It will be the right button if you are right handed, the default, and the left button if you are left handed. There should be a pop‑up menu on the screen. The bottom of the menu is the command Properties. Put your mouse pointer over the Properties command and click once.
Note: You can move the Taskbar to any side (top, bottom, left, right) of the screen by putting your mouse pointer on the Taskbar and holding the mouse clicker down and dragging the Taskbar to the desired side. I always have my Taskbar at the top of the monitor screen though in this position it can get in the way of an application’s menu bar when the application is full screen.
	Fix Internet Explorer Improving the viewable space with Internet Explorer involves modifying all the Toolbars. First, we will eliminate the text from the Toolbar buttons. We will also reduce the size of the Toolbar buttons. And finally we will rearrange and add/remove Toolbars.
	Eliminate text from Toolbars From the Menubar select View. From the View menu, select Toolbars. From the Toolbars menu select Customize. From the customize Toolbar pane change the item Text Options to No Text Labels. Click the Close button.
	 To change the size of the Toolbar buttons go to the same Customize Toolbars pane as above and change the item Icon Options to Small Icons. Click the close button.
	Eliminating the text and reducing the size of icons will greatly increase the amount of viewable space in Internet Explorer. The last change to be made is arranging the Toolbars to further increase viewable space. By dragging a Toolbar with your mouse you can put Toolbars side by side. You can even put Toolbars up on the Menubar. I have been able to put the Links Toolbar up on the Menubar and put the Address Toolbar and the Standard Buttons Toolbar next to each other.

	One last suggestion is the removal of some or all the Internet Explorer Toolbars. They are not required and from the View >> Toolbars menu you can remove or add Toolbars.
	Twenty percent Increase in floor space You probably can get 20 percent to 25 percent increase in screen space by trying some or all of the above techniques. Take your time and try one at a time. You may find that reducing the size of Icons or removing the text from Internet Explorer Toolbars makes them difficult to use.
	Advanced Techniques Sellers of computers generally set the default screen resolution to 800X600 pixels. You can increase this to 10240x768 pixels or greater depending on the monitor and the graphics card installed in your computer. You can’t damage anything. Windows will not allow you to go beyond the capabilities of the monitor and the graphics card. 

Hear it at 1 p.m. every Saturday.
	There are recommended resolutions for different size monitors. Forget those numbers. You should set your monitor to a resolution that is good for you. You may find that the higher resolutions are too hard on your eyes. Experiment. 
Note: There is another number that works side‑by‑side with resolution; that is the color depth. This is because the higher the color depth the more graphics memory is used. And the higher the screen resolution the more graphics memory is used. This means that in some cases you can’t use the highest color depth with the highest screen resolution because you do not have enough graphics memory. Again, Windows will not let you make errors when setting your resolution. If your primary use for the computer is the Internet and some productivity tools then set the color
 depth to 16 bit color. If you play a lot of games, then you may need to use 24 bit color. Again, experiment.
	Change Your Screen Resolution To change your monitors resolution go to the Taskbar >> Start Button >> Settings >> Control Panel. Double‑click on Display. From the Display Properties pane click on the Setting tab at the top‑left. At the bottom of this pane is a sliding bar for adjusting the screen resolution and a pull‑down menu for changing the color depth. The current color depth and screen resolution will be displayed when you open the Settings pane. Use your mouse pointer to change your screen resolution. Go up one step in resolution and try it for a while. Keep increasing your screen resolution until it is too difficult to view the screen and then reduce your screen resolution one step.
Note: Another method to get to the Display Properties pane is to right‑click on the Windows desktop and select Properties. You can also double‑click on the My Computer icon on your desktop >> Control Panel >> Display icon
	That’s it. Go slow and make one change at a time. Test it. Go on to the next modification.
	From the February issue of the North Orange County (CA) Computer Club’s Orange Bytes. 

The High Tech Investor 
by Dick Bagby 
Tidewater PC User Group
The Year 1999 Prediction
L
ast year at this time I asked you to tune in next year to see how close I was going to come to the year end close of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Well I didn’t beat all of the 26 gurus on the chart in last years column, but I did beat all but seven. I don’t feel too badly as the ones who beat me were Ralph Acampora, Lazlo Birinyi, Alan Bond, Frank Cappiello, Thomas Galvin, John Kim, and Martin Zwieg. You will recognize most of these names if you listen to Louis Rukeyser’s Wall Street Week.
The Year 2000 Prediction
	The year is going to close with the DJIA at between 11500 and 12000 according to my charting. However, due to Microsoft and Intel being on the Dow, I am going to add a little fudge factor for that and a couple of other similar items. That brings my prediction for 12/31/2000 to 12775, again, tune in next year.
Stock of the Month
	I have looked at half a dozen stocks that I think are candidates for a quality and high performance high tech portfolio. These included Lucent, JDS Uniphase, AOL, Xerox, and Scientific Atlanta.
	Each have the attributes I normally look for, but at the last moment I could not recommend any of them. The state of the market this week is entirely too unstable for me.
	William Safire, the columnist, and his brother wrote a book called Good Advice. The very first sentence is “Here’s good advice: Get good advice.” It’s a great book. You’ll enjoy it. The best advice I can give the high tech investor this month is to wait until the current instability in the market quiets down. Go to CDs or the money market for a few weeks. I will keep a low flame under the stocks I have been watching and report on one or more of them soon.
Our Mini Portfolio
	While our stock analysis is on hold, lets take a tour through our Mini Portfolio (chart1). I took a look today to see if I had really beaten any NASDAQ “index fund.” I am happy to report I beat them by a country mile. From 6/96 until now, the NASDAQ has advanced from 1200 to 4518. This is an increase of 276.5 percent or almost quadrupling any amount invested. The Mini‑Portfolio percent increase is 352.3. Moreover, with an index fund you would have to have made the total investment in 1996. In our portfolio, the investment was made over almost four years with some money invested as late as September of 1999.

Bick Bagby’s High Tech Portfolio

	Enough self‑adu-lation. Let’s tour some of the old investments to see if there is any life left in them in case you would like to up your ante on any of them instead of going to CDs or the money market:

SanDisk Our very first investment has done spectacularly. The demand for flash memory is everything that I expected. Currently I would not put any money directly into SanDisk. A P/E of 324 is entirely too risky for my blood. A better way to make the SanDisk play is with Seagate (below).
Intel INTC is one of my all time favorites and it is still a buy at $120. This is the biggest gorilla in the chip jungle and it will be for a long time.
Hewlett‑Packard A solid performer, but nothing to write home about at this time. The five year earnings estimate on Yahoo are only a couple of percentage points higher than the S&P average.
National Semi A similar story to HWP. You can do better.
KLA Tencor The future is bright for the chip stocks and because KLAC services those manufacturers, things will be bright for KLAC. I haven’t followed it for a few months so I really have to leave it to you to check it out in detail.
Microsoft Gorilla number one in software. Ari Onassis said, “you can never be too rich or too tan.” My version is “you can never have too much Intel or Microsoft.” The Federal Courts be damned, Microsoft is like the lion that is prodded in its cage by a cruel trainer. It doesn’t get weaker. It gets stronger and meaner.
Sun Micro Sun has all of the attributes of INTC and MSFT except the P/E is 3 times theirs. Again, too rich for me at this point.
Seagate In my opinion there is more opportunity here. I am a little more enthusiastic than most analysts. I like the low P/E, their 10 million share stock ownership in SanDisk, and their one‑third ownership of Veritas (see chart to right of Seagate holdings). Year after year performance has been steadily upward. I estimate between a 20‑25 
percent EPS growth in the next 2‑3 years. The kicker is the ownership in SanDisk and Veritas. There is ample room for any number of pleasant surprises.
Oracle ORCL is a solid performer and is extremely well positioned for the Internet (and Intranet) generation. Accumulate when the price comes out of the Ozone Layer. 
Cisco See Oracle above.
Watch List
	Put Lithium Technology Incorporated on your radar screen or “watch list.” Who knows where it will go. The potential is there. Here is the company profile: 
Lithium Technology Corporation and its wholly owned subsidiary, Lithion Corporation are development stage companies in the process of commercializing a unique, solid‑state, lithium‑polymer rechargeable battery. The Company is engaged in research and development activities to further develop and exploit this battery technology and also holds various patents relating to such batteries. Lithium’s commercialization focus is on the rapidly growing portable electronics market segment, which includes notebook and palmtop computers and wireless communications devices. The Company’s patented and proprietary composite cell construction and low‑cost manufacturing process are equally applicable to lithium‑ion polymer technology and lithium metal polymer technology.

Review
Easy CD Creator 4 Deluxe
by Jerry Kamen
Sarasota Personal Computer Users Group, Inc
T
he latest and most popular device for computers is the CD‑RW drive. Similar to a CD‑ROM drive (for which it can alternately be used), it will accept a blank CD onto which you can transfer any kind of files you can load onto a computer. 
These could include:
•	Data files you are backing up.
•	Image files of your many digital photos.
•	Digital videos you have taken, or other  .mpg files.
•	MP3 music files
•	Duplicates of any of your CDs.
	The CDs themselves come in two varieties: A CD‑R that you can create permanently one time and that cannot be altered. Second, a CD‑RW (rewritable) whose contents you can modify, alter, delete, etc., the same as a floppy disk. Unlike a floppy disk of 1.44 MB capacity, or a ZIP disk of 100Mb, a CD can hold 650MB of data.
	If you are going to make or duplicate your own CDs, you need more than a CD‑RW drive. You also need a good software program that will do the job. Without question, it is universally recognized that Easy CD Creator 4 Deluxe, the latest version of 
this outstanding software, is the software you need to be using. In fact, when you open the box containing your new CD‑RW drive, you will more than likely find a condensed version of this program. It is the most widely used and accepted software of its kind. Chances are, once you use it, you will go out and get the Deluxe Version 4 that has all the bells and whistles. If you are using an earlier or standard version of Easy CD Creator, you will surely want all the additions in the Deluxe Version 4.
	After a simple installation that proceeds by itself, when you open Easy CD Creator you will be greeted by 5 buttons:
• Audio A wizard will take you through the steps to create your own music audio CD.
• Data For storing, sharing or backing up your data files.
• CD Copier A one‑button step that will duplicate the contents of a CD onto your blank.
• Jewel Case Creator Create beautiful custom jewel case covers, inserts, and CD labels.
• Photo & Video The tools to enhance and add effects to digital photos and videos. Create dynamic CD post cards and video photo albums to share with your friends and family.
	Each of these features contains numerous enhancements and provides the capabilities to insert your own special effects. Take the CD Spin Doctor feature, for example. It not only allows you to transfer audio from an LP recording, using Easy CD Creator’s Sound Editor, you can also clean up scratchy sound and distortions, filter unwanted noise, and morph special effects like change the pitch or gender of a voice, or creating concert hall quality by adding reverb and converting monaural sound to video. You can essentially do to sound what Photoshop can do to photographs. And what makes it all so special is not only the things that Easy CD Creator will do, but how very simple it is to do them.
	Easy CD Creator allows you to gather your photos into photo albums. You can then create a self‑running slide show of photo or image files from your albums and distribute the CD to your favorite recipient. In the least, your photos will be archived on to a CD for organization and preservation.
	Easy CD Creator will also allow you to create a Web Album that will allow anyone with a browser the capability of viewing the photo album on your CD.
	Along similar lines, if you are into video, Easy CD Creator can create a video postcard that lets you store video clips and personalized text on a CD. CDs are particularly well suited for storing .mpg files because of their very large size.
	Whatever you are trying to do with Easy CD Creator, you would find it extremely difficult to stumble. Almost every step of your operation in clearly marked, and each procedure is boiled down to its lowest common denominator. Wizards that guide you, step by step, are ever present. It would certainly be nice if all software were as easy to use as this one.
	Creating or copying a data CD is the heart of what Easy CD Creator is all about. Slip a CD you want to copy into your CD‑ROM drive. Place a blank CD‑R or CD‑RW disc in your CD‑RW drive. Click on one button, and Easy CD Creator will create a duplicate of your original CD. Easy CD Creator’s Direct CD feature will also copy files on to your CD from any source as easily as you Save‑As command, your Windows explorer Drag And Drop or send to commands, or your MS‑DOS command line from within Windows to transfer data to a CD.
	I would greatly recommend purchasing the Deluxe over the Standard version of Easy CD Creator. I would also urge you to upgrade if you have an earlier version. The latest, 4.0 Deluxe contains so many more embellishments over the others that it is certainly the one to have. And if you have a CD‑R or CD‑RW drive, you need this program!
	Included with the software is an excellent, easy to follow comprehensive manual, a CD labeling device and kit, a copy of both MGI VideoWave II, and PhotoSuite II, free authorized MP3 songs, cable to connect your stereo to your computer, and a $20 rebate certificate.
	The software is published by Adaptec, Inc., in Milpitas, California. Adaptec is well known also for a variety of high quality of computer hardware accessories. www.adaptec .com. You will find the software at a street price of around $80.
	From the February 2000 issue of Sarasota PC Monitor, Sarasota Personal Computer Users Group, Inc.

 Upgrading Yourself
by Walt Varner
Stanford Palo Alto User Group
I
 am besieged these days with requests from my clients to upgrade their software and hardware. Now this is good since a computer user should certainly keep up with the times. However, in this piece, I’m going to suggest some other things that need upgrading — like your touch typing speed, for starters. In fact, I’d guess that most of you were never secretarial speed typists. All of the software stores have inexpensive typing tutor programs.
	Have you kept up to date on format and punctuation techniques? Have you noticed in newspaper ads and magazine stories some changes have sneaked in? In column format such as newspapers and magazines page layouts, very little material is right justified any more, the left alignment of a column is still straight as an arrow but the right margins meander all over the place. Also, have you noticed how the delimiters in dates and phone numbers have insidiously changed? Christmas day won’t be 12/25/00. It will be 12.25.00. Telephone numbers have been upgraded also to use periods for delimiters instead of hyphens and parentheses. You aren’t one of the boys if you write a phone number like many people do today as, for example, (408) 739-3488. If you do, you are a relic of the last decade. Today that number is written 408.739.3488. The period (or “dot” as in dot‑com) has taken over the role of separator or delimiter. Look at ads in the newspapers and you see what I mean.
	Do you have difficulty writing a letter or article for publication? For most people, the basic problem is that no one ever told them the following secret. Don’t try to organize and polish the “piece” as you write it. Just start writing. Don’t worry about what font to use or what type style or margin size, or what the first sentence should say, and so on. Don’t correct misspelled or mistyped words as you go or try to find just the right word. 
	When you think you’ve covered all the points you wish to make, you then start iterating — smoothing out the flow of thoughts, rearranging sentences, correcting or replacing the misspelled or wrong words, choosing a different type font or size, modifying the margins, and doing the final polish.
	If you think back to the last article you wrote, you probably iterated it many times before it was finished. You may have interchanged paragraphs for better continuity, replaced words that didn’t have quite the right flavor, and so on. Everyone does this even though they planned or outlined it for continuity and changed sentences as they wrote.
	To repeat — the secret is — do not try to write the final document as you compose it. Even if you do, you are still going to have to iterate and polish it several times. You should organize and polish only after you’ve supplied the facts or data you want to display.
	For this article, I typed seven paragraphs as fast as I could think and type (about 15 minutes) covering all the points I wished to make. Then I quickly corrected the 24 misspelled words (less than a minute), moved four words and three phrases by selecting and dragging for better continuity (another minute), entered a title and centered it (a few seconds), and adjusted the margins to improve appearance (a few more seconds), and in about 20 minutes the job was done. 
	From the Stanford Palo Alto Users Group January 2000 Newsletter.
 
Computing Faces Major Changes As We Move Into the Year 2000
by Ken Fermoyle
N
ow that “Y2K” is behind us and we are actually into the year 2000, it’s time to look at the changes we can expect in computers and how we use them. Predictions are risky, but two things are certain. First, there will be major alterations in the very structure of computing. Second, some will benefit grassroots computer users‑but many will not. In fact, they probably will have just the opposite effect. 
	Microsoft will be the focal point for many of the changes. Some will result from the Department of Justice (DOJ) and state attorneys general suit against the company. Also pending are suits against Microsoft by Sun Microsystems, Bristol Technology and other companies, not to mention several class actions that have been filed.
	Findings already made by Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson in the DOJ case guarantee shifts in the way Gates & Co. do business. The questions are when and how. Other changes will come from within Microsoft itself. 
Long Struggle or Compromise? 
	On the legal front, opinion is divided as to whether Microsoft and DOJ can reach a compromise settlement. Most observers felt this would not happen, than Bill Gates would fight any decision by Judge Jackson all the way through the appeal process up to the Supreme Court. This kind of delaying action could take years. It would be very expensive, but Microsoft has deep pockets and Gates has shown in the past that he can be a stubborn, difficult adversary.
	Those hoping for a settlement were encouraged when Judge Jackson tapped Judge Richard A. Posner, chief judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit in Chicago, to mediate between the Department of Justice, state attorneys general and Microsoft. Posner is a well‑respected jurist and an expert in economics and antitrust law. He has looked with favor on corporate arguments in other antitrust situations. The computer press and other media regard his appointment as an attempt to assure Microsoft that it will get a fair hearing from a mediator who is not a fervent supporter of antitrust actions.
	Microsoft spokesman Jim Cullinan said the company looks forward to working with Posner toward a fair resolution to the case. “We think this is potentially a very positive step. Both sides voluntarily agreed to it,” Cullinan added.
	What will happen eventually? Microsoft could be hit by anything from a large fine to a court order requiring that it spin off one or more individual companies. Almost certainly, it will have to stop treating Internet Explorer as an integral part of the operating system (OS) and change its high‑handed dealings with PC vendors, which has virtually forced those vendors to use the Window OS.
	However, it’s done, the DOJ and attorneys general seem determined to “restore competition” by nullifying Microsoft’s “monopolistic practices.”
	That would be good news for Linux and other Open Source software, as well as for resurgent Apple. Market share for them is still tiny compared to Buy or Lease?
	Perhaps more disturbing for many of us are indications that Microsoft and other software companies plan a dramatic change in the way software is distributed. It seems the trend will be to the system increasingly used by automobile companies: leasing of products rather than selling them outright. 
	This has obvious benefits for the vendors. Microsoft and others could reduce packagin and distribution costs and perhaps reduce the piracy potential. It could also insure a smoother cash flow than results from the peaks that now occur when new software versions are introduced and valleys as sales decrease over time. It also solves the growing problem of people and companies who refuse to upgrade slavishly when a new software version debuts.
	It provides benefits for corporate uses too, as we will see, but what does it mean for us grassroots users working in our home offices or small businesses? My feeling is that such a trend does not look good from our standpoint.
	Corporations should love it, especially the Information Technology (IT) people. They will be able to get rid of those pesky PCs, which employees insist on customizing to suit themselves and their jobs. Dumb machines, not much different from the terminals that were my introduction to computing some 20 years ago.
	Application Service Providers (ASPs) will provide programs. An ASP is defined in a Spotlight Service Report as “a third‑party service firm, which deploys, manages and remotely hosts a pre‑packaged software application through centrally located servers in a ‘rental’ or lease arrangement. In exchange for accessing the application, the client renders rental‑like payments.”	(The report also notes that independent software vendor (ISV) could bypass a third party and act as its own ASP. Don’t you think Bill Gates would find it attractive to eliminate the middleman completely?)
Death of the PC? 
	Note the terms “remotely hosts” and “centrally located servers.” That means accessing software via the Internet, or perhaps a gigantic corporate Wide Area Network (WAN) or an Extranet.Whatever, it essentially leaves grassroots users out in the cold.
	Can you imagine trying to use a modem and dial‑up access use all your software if it was located on the Internet? It boggles the mind! Most of us don’t have the broadband Internet access available to big corporations.	But if leasing of software becomes the norm, how else could vendors control their user base other than by having them access it from a central host that could be monitored easily? 
	Not to worry, corporate spokesmen hasten to assure us, the PC is dead anyway. Oh really, and when did this happen? Last time I looked PC sales were up last year over the previous year — which were higher than the year before, etcetera, etcetera — despite shortages of chips and other components caused by the Taiwan earthquakes.
	IBM’s 1998 annual report issued last had a whole section titled “The PC Era Is Over.” Major PC antagonists such as Sun Microsystems’ Scott McNealy and Oracle’s Larry Ellison have been singing the same song for several years. But how much of that is sour grapes? Are McNealy and Ellison still pouting because their vision of the Net PC died on the vine?
	IBM CEO Lou Gerstner believes that “new personal computing devices, such as personal digital assistants, Web‑enabled TVs, screenphones, smart cards, and a host of products we have yet to imagine” will gradually replace the personal computer.
	Maybe so, but I don’t expect to be tossing my PCs on the scrap heap anytime soon. I do expect to be upgrading and/or replacing them with new, faster, more capable machines well into the 21st century, which will not start officially until January 1, 2001, of course.
	What’s your opinion? I’d love to hear from you on these points. I will revisit this subject of more computing changes we can expect in an upcoming column‑and I will include insightful comments from readers. 
	Copyright 1999 by Ken Fermoyle, Fermoyle Publications. Ken Fermoyle has written some 2,500 articles for publications ranging from Playboy and Popular Science to MacWeek, Microtimes & PC Laptop. Ken’s Korner, a syndicated monthly column, is available free to User Groups. For information or permission to reprint this article, contact kfermoyle @earthlink.net.

Denial of Service Attacks
by Don Singleton
Tulsa Computer Society
N
otice: Recent news reports, such as ZDnet, CNN, CNN, Forbes, and CNet, have talked about hacker attacks on Yahoo, eBay, E*Trade, Buy.com, Amazon.com and other sites. 
	Even the FBI and Packet Storm are posting software to attempt to detect such attacks, although it appears that software is only appropriate for use on Unix/Linux machines. 
	Regardless of what platform you run, Gibson Research’s Shields UP! will test your computer’s vulnerability. 
	You may not think your computer is vulnerable, unless you read Fred Langa’s WinMag article The Four Myths of Online Security. 
	Myth #1: “I’m not on a network, so my PC is safe.” 
	Myth #2: “I just use Dial‑Up connections, so my PC is safe.” 
	Myth #3: “I use an anti‑virus app, so my PC is safe.” 
	Myth #4: “I use a firewall, so my PC is safe.” 
	One of the footnotes to that article referred to the DSL Reports site, with a database of current known windows Trojan Horses which I found particularly frightening. 
	You may want to install some sort of Firewall to block attempts to probe your computer. One free firewall is Zone Alarm 2.0, but there are others such as ConSeal PC Firewall ($49.95 ‑ Win9x / $150 NT Wks / $295 NT Srv), SyShield ($29.95 for Win9x and NT), Norton Internet Security 2000 ($59.95 for Win9x ONLY!), and BlackICE Defender ($39.95 for Win9x and NT), all of which are discussed very well on <http://grc.com/su‑firewalls.htm>.
	Hotlinks to the sites mentioned may be found at <http://www.tcs.org/virusalert/ denial_of_service.htm>.
	From the April 2000 issue of the I/O Port newsletter.

The Dealsguy
by Bob Click
Greater Orlando Computer
User Group

L
ouise Miller from Adobe asked me to make sure you knew about this discount. Adobe is, without a doubt, one of the user group’s best supporters. Peachpit Press /Adobe Press offers up to 40 percent off the list prices. Order 1‑10 books and receives a 20 percent discount. Eleven or more books get a whopping 40 percent discount, so ordering in bulk pays.
	Have your group’s special offers coordinator contact Louise Miller or Rye Livingston for the form.
From Our Friends at JASC Software
	“Belated Happy New Year from your friends at JASC Software! As you may have heard, we recently created a free digital imaging community called StudioAvenue .com(tm) for all Paint Shop Pro users. When you join StudioAvenue.com, you’ll be able to: Securely store and share your photos over the Web with friends and family, Create unique photo‑personalized greeting cards and gifts, Order high‑quality reprints of your favorite photos, Search and browse through hundreds of photo communities, Use advanced viewing technology to easily zoom, pan, and explore your photos, Get 50 MB of free photo storage, Enter fun contests and win cool stuff!
	“If you’ve already joined us at StudioAvenue.com, thank you. If you haven’t, then please take a moment and read about all the great benefits StudioAvenue .com has to offer.”
Latest From Our Friends At Power Quest
	As you would expect, Gene and Linda Barlow were at the FACUG conference and Linda gave me this form with the latest specials. Boy do they take good care of us user group people. Look at these great specials, so get ‘em while they’re hot:
Partition Magic V5, List $69.95, UG special $30.00; Drive Image V2, List $69.95, UG special $30.00; DataKeeper V3, List $49.95, UG special $25.00; SecondChance V2, List $69.95, UG special $30.00; Lost & Found,List, $69.95, UG special $30.00; OpenLinux V2.3, List $49.95, UG special $25.00; Submit three for $75, four for $95, five for $115, or six for just $135; OpenLinux eServer, List, $199.95,UG special $120. $5 S&H for mail and Web orders only. Use the order form, which should have been mailed to all user groups, or use their secure Web site to order at [www.ugr .com/order/]. Have the code UGMAR00 when ordering. What a friend we have in Power Quest and the Barlows. They are two of the hardest working people I know and it is always great to see them. 
A Scanner In Your Pocket — What Have You Been Smoking???
	That’s right! At the FACUG conference, a company called Wizcom was showing the neatest little scanner that looked somewhat like a large pen you could put in your shirt pocket. It is battery operated and will scan full lines of printed text (regular, bold and italic, 6‑22 point size). It stores up 1000 pages of data, which can be edited and retained in separate files.
	It will transfer data to your PC, laptop, Palm Pilot or text‑enabled cellular phone. It transfers data directly into Microsoft Windows applications as well as other standard applications. Uses a friendly icon‑based graphical interface that makes the “QuickLink Pen” fun and intuitive. An “Opticard” is included to read larger text from billboards or headlines or to input text manually.
	The weight is three ounces (I’m tellin’ ya, it’s small) and it takes two AAA batteries (included). Communications are Infrared (IrDA) and a serial cable is included. Contains 2MB ROM memory, 2MB integrated flash memory and 4MB flash memory (optional upgrades). Desktop applications included are: address book, table and charts, Internet links, notes and data, with the same familiar icons as the QuickLink Pen so users can store, edit and transfer text for easy data management.
	To order this little jewel of a scanner for just $125 (UG price), call sales at 1‑888‑777‑0552 or 1‑978‑635‑5357. E‑mail them at [sales@wizcomtech.com] or visit their Web site at [http://www.wizcomtech .com]. Tell them you read it in this column, and what user group you are with. S&H is $10. 
	I gave them my green business card to scan and it didn’t do well. I wasn’t surprised, but it worked well otherwise because another guy gave them a card with a white background and it did very well. I don’t know how long this special is good.
	This column is written to make user group members aware of special offers I have found or arranged, and my comments should not be interpreted to encourage, or discourage, the purchase of products, no matter how enthused I might sound. Bob (The Cheapskate) Click [dealsguy@mindspring.com]. Visit my Web site at [http://www.dealsguy.com] for past columns.

Review
Caere OmniForm 4.0
by Jorga Riggenbach
Tuscon Computer Society
H
ow many times have you looked at a form and instead of filling it out, you crumbled it up and threw it in the trash? I can tell you, I have done that many times because most forms don’t have enough room for you to write. Most forms are made to fit within certain space requirements and those requirements often don’t jibe with human requirements. I’m sure that if you work in an office environment, forms are a daily fact of life. 
	OmniForm is the answer to this problem. On a very basic level, you can put a form in your scanner, start the program and by using a nifty wizard, you can quickly fill out the form and send it to your printer. OmniForm recognizes form fields so you can just tab and type. Voila, a neatly filled out form without the grief. 
	On a larger scale, OmniForm is your key to creating and using electronic forms. Using LFR (Logical Forms Recognition), you can take any form — expense, insurance, legal, or medical — and store it for re‑use, print it whenever you want, E‑mail it or keep its data in a database. If you are really deep in the paper mine, you can distribute your forms in Microsoft Word, create mailable forms, or set it up so your forms can be filled out on Web browsers. 
	OmniForm is easy to install and use. I’ll admit that I had a few problems with this version, and I had to download an old driver because the new drivers didn’t want to work with my HP printer. This is surprising because I would assume that HP is the big guy in the area of printers. Problems aside, once you launch OmniForm a Form Assistant asks what you’d like to do and offers six options: scan a form or image file, fill in a form, print a form, work on form’s design, search a form, or create a new form. From there, you have two options of whether you want to have control over the form’s design or if you just want to quickly fill out a form. 
	All forms aren’t created equally well. Sometimes you need to go in and fix them up and the tools for editing or designing a form are located with the Proofreading Wizard. For instance, you may wish to remove an old logo and drop in your new logo. You can check spelling and adjust the color of elements in the form. You can change text attributes and there is a stamp tool to make one object look like another. Sometimes lines are incorrectly recognized as fields and restoring the lines is a simple process. “Verifying Field Names,” “Modifying Tab Groupings,” “Setting Printable Areas,” and “Final Adjustments” are a few of the other design and editing option available to the user. 
	Here’s another interesting feature, “Adding Intelligence to Forms.” (Ah, if life were only that simple in all areas.) Basically, we’re talking about adding validation parameters and calculations. You know, you have a form and you want at least certain key areas filled out and you don’t want the filler‑outer to be able to send the form until it is done correctly. This gets us into some heavy‑duty functions, but it’s nice to know that they are there when you need them. The option of saving forms in many formats is another nice OmniForm feature. The user can save in OFM (OmniForm), RTF, DHTML, and fillable PDF, to name a few. Finally, the ability to collect data over the web is a biggie. OmniForm automatically creates a flat file database and you can save up to 10,000 records per form. OmniForm supports exporting to other databases that accept ODBC or tab‑delimited formats. Data can be collected from web‑based forms using CGI (common gateway interface) scripts or middleware products. We’re getting into Charles Lee’s (TCS WebKeeper), or Jack Crawford’s (TCS Access SIG Leader), territory here, so suffice it to say that you can use OmniForm at any level, from filling out a form to collecting data from a form on the Internet. 
	This is a very cool product. It is one of those things that flies under you radar until you need it, but once you use it, you can’t live without it. Caere, a worldwide leader in
scanner software, also makes OmniPage Pro, an OCR (optical character recognition)
program that I’ve used for years and can highly recommend. 
	With its new Proofreader Wizard, better color handling, support of hyperlinks, new serial number option, and much more, OmniForm is right out there at the forefront of the brave, new digital world. 
	OmniForm is priced at $149 and will be available through national retail resellers such as CompUSA and MicroCenter, mail order resellers such as MicroWarehouse, CDW Computer Centers, PC Connection, and Insight, as well through various GSA resellers. Pricing is also available by calling 1‑800‑654‑1187 or go to http://www.caere .com. 
	OmniForm 4.0 requires a 80486 or higher processor running Microsoft Windows 95, 98 or Windows NT 4.0, a minimum of 25 MB free hard disk space (OmniForm Filler requires a minimum of 10 MB hard disk space), a SVGA or VGA monitor, a Windows‑compatible pointing device, a CD‑ROM drive, 16 MB RAM (32 MB RAM recommended), and a compatible scanner if form scanning is planned. OmniForm 4.0 includes support for more than 100 flatbed and edge‑fed, black and white and color scanners, including models from UMAX, Hewlett‑Packard and Microtek, as well as TWAIN‑compliant devices.
	Jorga Riggenbach is Vice President of the Tuscon Computer Society. This article is reprinted from the TCS Journal. 

Society News
President’s Column
May 2000
by Joe Pia
H
ere it is May and the school year is winding down. Soon it will be time for cooking and eating outside. Yum. But we have some business to work through even as we munch on the barbecued chicken.
	Here are some ideas about how we might continue to do the Society’s work. We think they deserve some thought. We invite you to tell us about what you think.
	The idea is that some of us are less than totally happy with the way the organization functions just now. We’re interested in considering some other possibilities.
	The arguments for looking at another approach are several. Here’s one set. So many people find our general meetings of little or no interest to them. They tell me that the presentations are at too high a level. Or at too low a level. If they’re too high, people can’t understand the presentations. If they’re too low, listeners are bored. Our experience bears out these attitudes. The meetings which have excited the most interest are those which seem to have very little to do with computers as such. One example is the program on digital cameras. Lots of folks liked that one even though the only links with computers were the memory aspects of those cameras.
	Another issue is mentioned above: Finding a common level of presentation about computers is just about impossible. Hoopla works, of course. So, if we can arrange it, a Microsoft rep will be through here in the fall. We will have to change our meeting dates so that s/he can hit the Buffalo club as well as ours in a couple of days. There will be things to give away and lots of rah rah; so, the meeting will be fun. How much information we will glean is another story.
	Still again, we can have speakers coming to our meetings from elsewhere in the country easily during the non-snow months. But during the depths of winter, it can be difficult to get here. So, for the past couple of years we have simply not scheduled outside speakers during the four or five snowiest months of the year lest we leave some poor innocent alone at the airport.
	We have new people coming into the Society all the time. They want to learn about computers, but our programs seldom speak directly to their needs. So, the newbies feel left out.
	We have all learned to live with this situation, but few of us have been satisfied. One alternative is to consider a quite different mode of organization and presentations. I’ve heard about it from a couple of sources, including the condo that my in-laws spend the winter at in beautiful downtown Florida. I offer it here for our mutual consideration.
	We start with the proposition that everybody wants to do one of two things: (1) Make his or her equipment (often nearly ready for status as an antique) do what s/he wants it do, or (2) learn how to do more things with our computers, like learn new programs and stuff like that.
	My Florida friends’ approach is to have only SIG meetings. Nothing else. Maybe an annual meeting. Maybe even a special meeting now and then if a bigwig comes through. But the main meetings are in SIGs.
	There are lots of SIGs for beginners. Most of them cover the same ground. Maybe they have six meetings, three one week and three the next. Ours would have a different schedule for working people and maybe another for retirees who are itching to get out of the house.
	 When people emerge from the beginners’ SIGs, they can do all the things an experienced computer user ought to be able to do. Like bring up programs, and copy files, and move files from one disk to another, change the background color for their Windows main window. Etc. By the time they “graduate” from the beginners’ SIG, they are ready for full fledged programs. Like word processing. Or spread sheets. Or specially focused programs like Quicken or one of the many e-mail programs around. Etc.
	So, an Emerged User then joins a SIG devoted to whatever topic he or she is interested in. Those SIGs have not only a well defined focus but also a limited time frame, like maybe four sessions. Or maybe eight, depending on the task and how difficult it might be. Some people might enroll in the same SIG several times until the mystical truth opens to the learner such that he or she can now use the program. And not make mistakes. Like losing a day’s worth of data.
	After the first SIG devoted to the topic is completed, the learner goes on to the next one which deals with another, more advanced topic in the same program. So, after learning how to handle spreadsheets, the learner learns how to do some fancy dancy budgeting or some such.
	Maybe there are as many as five or six SIGs devoted to a particular program or group of programs. What SIGs exist is a function of what people want to learn. So, what might be great for Ms. X would be boring for Ms. Z. Or vice versa.
	Some of the problems of getting such an arrangement going include finding leaders and getting some instructional materials prepared. I know how to produce materials and “teach” classes. Finding leaders is a harder task. But I’d bet that some of us are willing to take the risk to learn how to run SIG meetings, figuring it out as they go along. Teaching is not something that a lot of people do, to say nothing of doing well. But some of us are teachers and others of us aren’t. Just like some of us are writers and others not. Each has a contribution to make.
	After “successful completion,” as they say, of several SIG sequences, a person will become more sophisticated. That’s when we can expect such persons to make suggestions about programs for a whole group. But we don’t expect that would happen for several years as people got themselves up and running with confidence.
	Clearly, figuring out how to make this all work is not a trivial task. But it seems to me offer some opportunities that don’t now exist. Let’s consider these ideas. If they seem to represent a promising path, we can start thinking about how we can make a system like this work.
	Onward, as they say, and upward.

RCSi Planning Meeting
April 18, 2000
by Jim McGrath, secretary pro tem.
T
he meeting was called to order by Joe Pia at 7:10 p.m. The following subjects were discussed for presentation and approval action at the next General Business Meeting:
1) Lease of a Book Maker (page folder & stapler) for use in the monthly Newsletter Production. Since this is a somewhat costly item, novel financing options were outlined (facts: $2,650 cash or $63/mo for three years). 
2) RCSi Mission Statement something similar to our non‑profit application description, for use in our public documents & Web Site.
3) Expanded Society Fee Schedule continuing the current steps plus add optional stages for our more affluent benefactors to benefit the Society (ala WXXI) in exchange for thankful printed recognition.
4) Office candidates still looking for a VP Candidate, other offices have at least one candidate.
5) Volunteers for committees and other essential duties Volunteers still needed for Program Chair & Calender. Membership, Monitor Editor and Software Czar are covered. Membership, Library and Webmaster helper are tentatively covered . . . those who verbally volunteered to Joe on these last three please step forward and e-mail the Joe’s to confirm your commitment as asked.
6) Society letterhead/logo a new design was presented and looks good (check our web site).
7) Laptop computer health our current laptop is getting sicker (screen died) ultimate death pending. Still usable with external monitor, still works with projection devise. Options; What we want costs ~$2,500, could cobble up a lower power temp replacement ~$1,500.
8) Projector bulb blew, now using spare with expected life of three years. Replacement ~$300, will accumulate 50/50 ticket proceeds toward this expense.
9) Promotional items presentation a local printer described various ideas & costs. These are for purchase by members for self & others, and used to attract new members (samples at general meeting).
10) Picnic tentative date August 27, date and pavilion (place) yet to be confirmed. Same deal as last year ($5/head at signup refunded on site), alphabetical assignment of what you bring (munchies, salad etc), club provides; chef, hots/hambergs condiments, buns, pop, games of geek athleticism. Details to follow!

New User Group Meeting
April 4, 2000
by John McMillan
A
 user who was capturing Internet Explorer e‑mail messages by cutting and pasting them to a storage file wondered if there was an easy way to include the title. It was recommended that he cut and paste the title also but as a separate operation. There was also a discussion of using Outlook Express to send a message to several recipients either as multiple addressees or as carbon copies. Gregg Sayre suggested holding down control while in Address book to highlight multiple names. This allows entering more than one identity as addresses or carbon copies. 
	Subsequent experimentation proved that this also works in Juno. It was also suggested that messages be composed off line in a word processor for easier spell and grammar checking. The final message can be copied to the clip board and pasted into the message portion of the e‑mail processor. 
	There was discussion of transmitting attachments with E‑mail. between Internet Service Providers. The paper clip, frequently used to identify mail which includes an attachment, was not found by the receivers who used AOL. The sender was not an AOL user which might have contributed to the problem. Since the attachments were text, it was suggested that the text be included in the message proper avoiding any problems associated with attachments. It was also felt that the user should download service pack upgrades to Windows 98 which might help resolve problems. 
	The second service pack reduces some of the security leaks of Outlook Express so the discussion turned to virus checkers and fire wall programs. Most people have heard of the virus scares, either real or imagined, and many are already using Anti Virus software by McAfee, Norton, or others. Good practice dictates avoiding messages and disks from unknown sources; scanning downloads and removable media before opening any files they contain; and scanning the entire system weekly. Not everyone is aware that any time that you are logged onto the internet, your machine is vulnerable to entry by others who may randomly scan to find out who is currently on line. Fire walls will prevent this sort of undesirable entry. Black Ice which retails for around $40 has received kudos from Nick Francesco and others but Zone Alarm, a free down load from http://www.zonelabs.com has also been mentioned. I added that to my system about two months ago and have since found that my machine was attacked even when I was on line with “LIBRA,” the Monroe County Library System. For each attempted break in, a special window pops up with some coded data which may help to determine the perpetrator though I have been content just to prevent their entry.
	The next topic concerned the pros and cons of shutdown versus constant running. There are two schools of thought: one says that the greatest strain on computer components results from starting and stopping hard disks, fans and other moving components or from heating and cooling of power supplies and electronic parts; while others are concerned with the power that is used even if it is minimized by sleep mode or power reducing capabilities. Members of the first group favor constant operation or minimizing the use of the on off switches pointing out that the cost of repairs to failed parts will exceed the cost of continuous running. The second group is more ecologically conscious. The choice is most likely to be made based on the number of times you go on in a day rather than the length of time you stay on for a single session. 	
	One of the attendees wondered how he would be affected by possible changes to Microsoft resulting from the Anti Trust suit. Gregg Sayre responded that there were no immediate changes but that future versions of Windows might not have embedded code for Internet Explorer. Another scenario is that Microsoft might have to open up the code so that other software developers could build more effectively integrated or competitive products. Several users viewed the opening of code as leading to greatly improved products. However this would not force users to change their existing software unless their needs changed or newer program capabilities became desirable. 	Gregg Sayre asked if anyone know how to move accumulated files of outlook express messages from an older computer to new hardware. He did not believe that Outlook express stored messages as individual files and was unsure of the identity or suffix by which they were filed. No one had an answer but one suggestion was to send himself a message and track where it went. Doing a file search on time would be a relatively easy way of finding what had changed for subsequent analysis of the file structure. If this were a single file, cut and paste was mentioned as a way of selectively transferring only portions which were still of some value.

Treasurer’s Report
by Steve Staub
Income     
	Dues	$184.00
Expenses
	Copier rental	$100.00
	Paper supplies	53.70
	Pizza and napkins	 16.47
Total Expenses	$170.17
Balance as of 4/29/2000	$2,847.08

The Lighter Side
A
 pilot is flying a small, single‑engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Sea‑Tac airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. 
	Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hi, where am I?!” The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane!” The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. 
	“Simple,” replied the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct, but absolutely useless; therefore, that has to be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.” 

Dilbert’s Words of Wisdom
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either. 
2. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? 
3. I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode. 
4. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 
5. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it. 
6. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue. 
7. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him chances are you won’t be calling on him again. 
8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 
9. You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 
10. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and taste good. 

Tech Support: “How can I help you?” 
Customer: “Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not.” 
Tech Support: “What program is it?” 
Customer: “It’s called ‘MSDOS Prompt’.” 
Tech Support: “What’s wrong with it?” 
Customer: “Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: ‘C:\WINDOWS>’, and it just sits there and doesn’t do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows.” 

The Golden College Years
Tech: “What operating system are you running?” 
Student: “Hunh?” 
Tech: “Do you have a Mac or a PC?” 
Student: “Um, I don’t know.” 
Tech: “Ok. What does the screen look like?” 
Student: “It’s yellow.” 
Tech: “Ok. What does it say on the computer CPU?” 
Student: “What’s that?” 
Tech: “The big grey box.” 
Student: “It doesn’t say anything.” 
Tech: “Never mind that...do you have a little ‘Start’ button at the bottom of the monitor?” 
Student: “Monitor?” 
Tech: “The thing that looks like a TV screen sitting on the grey box.” 
Student: “Oh! That! No. No start button.” 
Tech: “Ok. Is there a little apple symbol anywhere on the screen?” 
Student: (very puzzled) “Why would I have fruit on my computer?” 
Tech Support: “Do you have any windows open right now?” 
Customer: “Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside...” 

Co‑Worker: “What version of DOS does UNIX run?” 
Co‑Worker: “Does a firewall need an operating system?”